When the old wise man with a bit of white color on his soldier hair cut said to his little daughter who already can not said to be his little baby anymore with a low sound, "Sabar ya nak, belum bisa jemput pakai mobil", his daughter reply in lower voice, hardly to hear, "Iya yah". She hide the tears, while a single tear is ready to flow on her cheek. She turn her face rapidly into the other direction to make her dad didn't noticed that she was crying.
"Jangan khawatir, satu bulan lagi kok, nak", he try to make that girl happy with a simple sentence. Silent. The girl didn't reply, her voice was gone in sudden. Then two of them were fitting their seat into the motorcycle saddle and will have a trip of an hour to their home, met mom and younger brother. A beautiful woman and a naughty 15 years old Junior High School- the private school.
Along the way she was crying behind her dad's back, while his dad focus riding that black motorbike. her father still didn't noticed that she was crying because of his sentences. In heart she said, " No dad, doesn't matter if you can drive me every week to Surabaya with a nice, luxurious and comfortable car. I'm not that kind of spoiled girl. Did you know that I'm 20 dad ? I should be able to earn my own money. You've paid enough to bring me to the university, even in not my major that I want, Management." She wished she could explain that to her dad, but her mouth keep shutted, she was sobbing while staring at the beggars. No, they weren't beggars, those two little girls she saw on the traffic lights in Krian were newspaper seller.
She wiped the tears, she looked tenderly on those baby girls, the distance is far, she noticed that they were about 8 years old. She said deeply in her heart, "God, just for 2 years I've felt your test. It was a bit hard, we live in a situation where we haven't felt that yet. But, looking on that kids, I know that I'm strong God, your test to my family is not as hard as to those kids. Thanks for keep us to have good eat and health until now, and please give those little newspaper girls a pocket full of coins and candy today because they was strong, unlike me who cry like this, they're mom won't be mad with candies."
It was half distance to home, she wondering what was mom actually doing. She tried to remember two weeks ago when she and his 45 years old dad was home at late evening. Her mom was fried some fish and mushroom that her daughter really like, crisp mushroom. In the simple dining table that hasn't been moved for 5 years already prepared hot rice, sambal and lodeh. And when she's home, she found many mushrooms on the fridge, her mom really knows what she like. At that moment, she was smiling, life isn't simply that bad she thought. She still has a beautiful wise mom, a hard worker dad, and naughty younger brother, this complete form is the most precious thing she has right now. She wondering again what did her mom cooked for her today ? She hasn't eat lunch until this late. "I want Soto, Dear Allah, is mom cooking it for me right now ?", she prayed, sort of.
When she home with his beloved dad, safely, she greet her only one white baby cat with a smile and called him "hei, jelly". That cat was onlystared at her for a while with a single "meow" sound. She was so tired but happy met her mom. she looked for her and found her on the last bedroom on that house, her mom was lied on there with her mouth whispering prayers while holding tasbih. They have a short conversation later, while daddy is took a bath.
She looked for some delicious unluxurious food on the old dining table, but she found nothing. Only a bowl of soup with tahu and sambal. She lost her apetite soon. She just walked into bath room and take a wudlu for sholat jamaah with her dad who already wore sarong and kopyah at the very front room of that house that used to sholat. She bit unfocused with her prayer to her God, she lost her mind but then she can controlled by closing her eyes strongly while whispering Al-fatihah at firs rakaat. She prayed in heart with two open hands in last," God, mom didn't cooked something delicious today. I won't eat tonight it's okay. But she has a money or not ? Tolong beri kami rezekimu ya Allah."
She thought she was pretty blessed today that she has no money left but she can home and eat something free. She was watched TV with no attention, the TV like a monolog in drama, she didn't care just turned that on. She began to memorize when they live in such a good situation. Her dad drove her once a week to Surabaya. She regret why She haven't have a nice conversation with her dad on that moment. Why so busy with her phone and music. She very need to asked about her dad feeling on that moment, how's job dad ? At least. Now she now that her dad's investation fell down, so many debts that she couldn't understand and helped to pay. It has been 1 years she hasn't has such trip with her dad. 1 years with no car. She still alive.
She began to memorize deeply. Thanks God I didn't took the major I want and get through pmdk umum II in 2011, how's my family's life if I took it. I regret to cry 3 days long begging to mom and dad to let me study Management and English literature at the same time. I shouldn't begging like that and made mom cry, I was so wrong to judge them cruel. Now I know their reason, their only one reason. They would love me enter Management if they had money, that's it.
She was not meant to be that cruel to her parent, she just want to be successfull carrier woman if she got that two major, she promised to paid back everything when she was rich, but her mom still crying. She couldn't understand what her beloved daughter said. She would reply, "No dear, it doesn't important you'll paid us back, mom love you sincerely, sorry mom can not fulfill your dream, but mom still wish you could be successfull carier woman as you dream, we dream," but her mouth was speechless.
She has been hurt, hurt by her own dream and reality. She tried hard to sleep well in unwell.
